Joe Murphy on Optimism

Optimism
Probably the most important thing you can do for yourself, your spouse, your familiy, friends and colleagues, is to be mentally fit. The best measure of "mental fitness" is how optimistic you are about life. Here are a few questions:

Just how enthusiastic about what is going on around you, are you?

How happy are you, most of the time?

Abraham Lincoln said it best when he said, (I paraphrase), "You are about as happy as you make your mind up to be."
What he means and what pschologists have found in research studies is this; "learn how to control your thinking no matter what happens."

You can control your reactions and responses by thinking differently. Here is a paper on Why Optimists Sell More (http://josephbmurphy.com/uploads/Why_Optimists_Make_More_-_CSS.pdf)
There are three differences in how certain people think. The first difference is that the optimist sees a setback as only temporary. The pessimist sees a setback or problem as permanent and lasting. The optimist sees an unfortunate event as only temporary. What you can do to control your thinking is to isolate the incident.

The second difference between is the optimist sees problems as specific. The pessimist sees problems as pervasive (affecting other things). This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he or she looks at the event as an isolated incident. It is not connected from other things that are going on.

If something failed to happen or occur as planned and you interpret the situation to yourself as just an unfortunate event, something that "just happens," then you are reacting like an optimist.

The pessimist however, sees disappointments as being pervasive. To him they are indications that he is a failure in work, home, eating properly, etc - any number of unconnected areas.

Optimists have learned not to take mistakes or failures personally. This is the third difference between optimists and pessimists. The optimist sees events as external - caused by other things outside their control. Therefore, they don't beat themselves up. This may be hard for the responsibe person, who takes problems and tries to fix them. It was difficult for me, needless to say to accept that, "some things are just outside my control" AND "GET OVER IT!!"

But the pessimists interpret events as personal. If the optimist is cut off in traffic, instead of getting angry or upset, he will simply say something like, "I guess they are late for work." The pessimist will say, "Why are they doing this to me???" And then become frustrated and look for ways to "get back" at the drvier or take the event out on someone else in the office or at home, because they took it as a personal insult and feel bad about it. Am I talking to anyone I know here? Can you relate to this? Sure, we all can.

Here's a trick. "Allow the other driver to cut you off." Wave them into your lane and say "Good luck, I hope you make it." Or if someone says something rude, say to them or to yourself, "I understand how you feel, "I have had a similar feeling." Make sure you say it with no "edge" in it. By the way, when you say this, you will be surprised how the other person reacts! The tension goes away - immediatetly!! They even apologize!! And both you and the other party walk away feeling good (self-esteem intact).

The more optimistic you, and the more you practice allowing things to roll off your back, the more objective and unemotional you will become when facing the inevitable trials normal daily life. Keep your mind calm, clear and completely under your own control. Do not allow other people to give you your thoughts. Step back, and step outside yourself, to see the situation with a view from a balcony, like you are watching a play on a stage. This little mind trick helps remove the emotional energy that pulls you into an emotional event.

The more optimistic you are, the more mature you will become and you will exert a far greater sense of control and influence over your environment, and you will be far less likely to get angry, upset, or distracted.

Good Luck!